Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lostinthenoise's LiveJournal:

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Friday, December 30th, 2005
3:32 pm	A Poem Untitled: "a mother forever haunted by her son he never leaves her and he will never grow old he is locked in a inward battle that forefronts on her every move and i watch this and i wonder as a mother you fill forever mourn your children's griefs and i can mourn no more" ....a poem i found it didn't quite make sense but i didn't think it had to Current Music: Placebo (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 7th, 2005
4:08 am	happy november 7th tomorrow i work again at the bif naked concert :( it should be interesting though and the tips should be plentiful to say the least tonight was a girlie night we drank cosmos and frozen strawberry dakaris and watched sex and the city at lindsay's apartment and i felt like i was on cloud 9 my mommy sent me a care package oooh halloween pictures.... www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2118290611&code=19009259&mode=invite&DCMP=isc-email-AlbumInvite i hope that works that random is 'bear girl' we've never met her before and we haven't seen her since Current Mood: calm Current Music: death cab (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 13th, 2005
3:22 pm	Last night was my FIRST NIGHT OF WORK at the Capital City Music Hall it was intense the concert was for GWAR sodomy, blood, strap on penises, raping, and men in leather g stings it was...an experience i made tons of tips and i love the guys i work with if you want to see the guys who performed....go to this website.... http://blogging.la/archives/Gwar-oderus12.jpg its terrifying i'm excited for my next shift :) (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
7:57 pm	f'in a i'm having so much fun here, i miss you all dearly its a really big highschool but you all have sleepovers all the time :) see you guys at commencement Current Mood: happy Current Music: j lo (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
9:52 pm	last night in toronto the most exciting part of knowing you has been the opportunity to become familiar with your traits, your phrases, your stories and although it kills me to have to leave you i can only anticipate the opportunity to become familiar with you all over again me-now is looking forward to meeting future-you i don't know that i've made any sense but i want you to know how much i love you- i will miss everything and nothing about you, because this isn't goodbye, it's see you on the other side Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
1:14 pm	i wish we could've met 4 months ago but i hate that i've made you my distraction its not fair but i've realized my priority is to my friends because, mike you said it best, i could spend the rest of my life with all of you and there aren't many people in the world who could understand that kind of emotion at this stage in life. outsiders watch in confusion, but i get it now, you can say goodbye to your family, you can pack your things and go, but you can never leave you're family behind you're insane laughter and sobbing and joking voices will follow me and fill my head as i drift to sleep in a foreign place i know that and it makes me feel safe Current Mood: calm Current Music: kanye west...sorry bassy i love him (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 29th, 2005
11:46 am	it was once said... "everyone's a little queer, why can't she be a little straight?" i have now concluded that everyone's a little crazy but this one is just fucking mental that is all Current Mood: amused Current Music: pinkerton (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
10:29 pm	i don't think i've ever seen him so thin before i hate watching his heart on a screen i want to rip the tubes out of your nose and pick you up and take you home i want you to be pretending, to get dressed and make that gown disappear i want this to be over because its not possible that i'm losing you (1 Comment |Comment on this)
12:15 am	i keep wanting you here sleeping beside me but everytime i roll over i can't find you i'm fucking up- i know that i did something wrong, that there was something that i could've done that would've made all of this go away i can't picture you happy because it hurts me but what hurts more is that i want you to be happy more than anything and this keeps happening and i keep not seeing it and no one helps me, no one warns me, friends hesitate and i fall again i can't keep him waiting but i can't hand him a heart thats broken and i'm not being fair to him and i know it (Comment on this)
Monday, July 18th, 2005
12:38 am	find myself dreading that presence everything feels safer when the criticism is lacking and i know that it helps to compensate, its just too bad, because you could be great, you are great, just to who you choose to be great too (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 15th, 2005
2:26 pm	just got back from ottawa, it was sooo exciting i've never been more scared in my life the campus is lovely and the rideau canal is so close halk hogan knows best indeed Current Mood: hot Current Music: brandy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
11:10 am	we walked through the park and he told me how the moon is really no light at all, it just gets it from the sun, and how lilacs are the best flowers because the just grow every year by themselves, because they want to and how i should have a lake named after me...and how he wishes he could bring me one it doesn't seem that long ago and at the same time i can't remember how i felt but i saw you run and i ran right with you, i'd do it again if i had to (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
1:56 pm	half of what i say is meaningless, but i say it just to reach you nothing here worth saving and your heart keeps beating i'm finding old cds, and i like it last night was brody-tatsic, i'm still not used to smoking rooms today i work with pretty west-indie boy life is ducky Current Music: beatles white album (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
1:36 pm	this was a good adventure, sex and the city party, fireworks, breakfast on the side of the road, "onk"ing with the friendly man who saw a lot of skin thanks guys, i love you to bits today is lovely outside so i'm going to tan...not nude don't worry foxy trot & hammer head my insides hurt but its minor, i think gravity is working after all Current Mood: thirsty Current Music: fat joe and ashanti (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
11:30 pm	finding it difficult to breathe my heart hurts and i'm numb i'm learning and learning and learning and its overwhelming to think of all that i'm about to undertake i've got the marks, but it doesn't seem genuine- i've got the school but i'm scared to shit and i keep second guessing what i have here. it sometimes feels like the world and other times feels like a part of my imagination that i've built up to keep safe insecurity is killing me but i'm here, and i keep telling myself that to remain calm i can hang on to this a bit longer i think whaddup bald eagle, foxy trot, lil' jew- whaddup googly eyes i love you more than i can explain, but its late and i'm writing to freely so i'm signing off i'm scared and i'm hurt, but what goes down must come up right porter? Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: my chemical romance (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
3:14 pm	wednesday whadduppp no more school yay batman tonight yay driving fast with beyonce...porrrter carrrrr Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Crazy in Love (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
7:41 pm	slowly my world is becoming more and more insane, people who are not well in the head should not be allowed to talk maybe even have a law where as soon as you reach that point you are forced to take a vow of silence until you can be further assessed i love you, i hate you, i love you, i hate you and i'm supposed to have time for this? so i declare a new positive energy that i will uphold cottage this weekend, crazy fun, party hard, and no thinking- absolutely no thinking for a change i read this today, it'll be paraphrased but i thought it was interesting, Everyone has a conscience, but most people have calculators too. Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: Metric: Hustle Rose (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
4:48 pm	i sat beside a guy who smelled good It just seems so familiar, i've done this before and i can't handle doing it again. The choice is easy: tolerate or leave i've tolerated for so long and i can't stand watching the lack of compassion some 300 lb black, lesbian is giving me an Amen from half way around the world right now... cause in your next life it could happen to you Current Mood: blank Current Music: Metric (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
4:48 pm	instant gratification has become a big part of my life my hobbies fade into those of unhealthy patterns and i want to be healthy in my dreams i'm constantly screaming at myself for the things i do and i wake up sweaty and more tired than before my focus needs to change and i think i can do it if i try hard enough (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 18th, 2005
10:48 pm	sun, music and beer today we moved into the theater!(which you all probably know because anyone reading this will most likely have been there with me but...) we (bassy, porter and me) got lost...for a while, but then we found our friends and our loverly helen gardiner phalen. we finished early so we (v, porter and me) went shopping and i bought expressive things that i can't afford because i'm most likely getting fired at ae tomorrow. turns out i missed three shifts that i didn't know about because i've stopped calling to get my hours, go me so i feel shitty about that i tanned in my backyard today and listened to flow :) i ate cantaloupe and had cigarettes and enjoyed my tiny, foreign backyard then i went to value village and got my costume, and some fun dresses then i went to sunnybrook and got my mri done it was incredibly frightening i felt like i was in a coffin and i couldn't move my body when they finally let me out after maybe 30-45 minutes the nice little indian doctor told me that there was a microphone in the tube to hear if i was okay and he could hear my heart beat and heavy breathing, but he was very nice to me thats all for today see you tomorrow everyone Current Mood: quixotic Current Music: the caridgans (2 Comments |Comment on this)